5-a-day

Today as we walked into our new local supermarket of choice my eye was caught by a poster on the window. It was a 5-a-day poster. I know I shouldn't have been but I was surprised, surprised perhaps because it reminded me I had been thinking about a regional take on the 5-a-day concept only a week or so back.

After months of unscientific observation I had found myself formulating this tongue-in-cheek assessment of Balkan life's essential ingredients.

• Caffeine. A life without coffee is no life at all. It's not just about staying awake, I have had it explained to me that the highest form of existence is sitting in a caffe bar with no plans and no cares and a decent coffee.



• Nicotine. No caffeine fix is complete without a fag or two. At about 50p for 10 it's definitely a cheaper habit than Mars Bars but should you be short of cash almost all caffe bars provide a perfect passive smoking environment.



• Sucrose. Why have one sugar when you can have three, or seven? And if you tire of turning your coffee into syrup you could always get your hit from the ever present selection of cakes or a summer-time ice cream.



• Sodium Chloride. Had enough sweet? Why not try savoury – or 'salty' as it is in translation. You'll never be short of an opportunity to have lots of salty meat and salty bread and, like with sugar, when sprinkling the key is not to be sparing.



• Hydrogen. Okay, so we're actually referring here to H2O but you probably guessed that. The good news is that almost all of the above will be expected to be washed down with the ever present glass of water.

Need I point out the 5-a-day poster was promoting something altogether more balanced?